Wednesday, October 27, 2004

What happened to you then...

... is my least favourite question to have to deal with. I used to think that it was my 'duty' to tell anyone who asked all the details of my disability - that that was a way of building bridges between disabled and non disabled people. And by anyone who asked, I'm including people who stopped me in the street, people helping me in shops, and people using it as a conversational starter at parties. So I'd tell them, and as people don't tend to acquire serious physical disabilities by being sprinkled with magic sparkles the person would then get upset. I'd love to know what they expected me to say. Hang on - I've just realised - they expected me to say I was just this minute about to get better...

Its quite a difficult stance to maintain - quite wearing and it was soon apparent to me that it wasn't working- that in fact talking about my disability - which most people don't seem to realise is the same as asking about your medical history. Which in most people's cases involves one or two things best saved for closer friends.

So these days I tend to avoid the issue. I do try not to deliberately put people down or insult them in doing so, and if the above question is asked I simply go for 'nothing, I'm fine' - which actually isn't that far from the truth! To help with that, I'm pleased that Ouch has come up with a definitive list of alternatives

1."I angered a magician."
2."I could be able-bodied, but I'm just way too lazy."
3."My father is also my brother."
4."I was born and raised in a laboratory by an evil genetic scientist."
5."This is what happens if you spend too much time on your Playstation."
6."I was trying to get a kitten down from a tree."
7."Sir, you insult me - but thank you for paying attention to me, it means so much."
8."Actually there is nothing wrong with me, I'm one of a new emerging species."
9."I was a contestant on Cheggers Plays Pop and bounced too high on the inflatable."
10."I was Glenn Hoddle in a former life." (Yes, it is still funny - Ed)

I can't wait to use the first one. I love the Ouch! website. It absolutely makes me howl with mirth.

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